(Direct quotes are italicized.)
The Smartest Dumb Guy in the Room
...in the real world negotiation is far too complex for....applying a fixed order of negotiation.
...kidnappers are just businessmen trying to get the best price...
Heart VS. Mind
Fry and Ury (1981) revolutionized negotiating with a system known as "Getting to Yes". In this system, they applied 4 principles to negotiation:
1. ...separate the person-the emotion-from the problem.
2. ...don't get wrapped up in the other side's position (what they're asking for) but instead focus on their interests (why they're asking for it) so that you can find what they really want.
3. ...work cooperatively to generate win-win options.
4. ...establish mutually agreed-upon standards for evaluating those possible solutions.
Kahneman (2011) along with his colleague Tversky, have done significant research in the area of negotiation, including the following:
Cognitive Bias- ...unconscious - and irrational- brain processes that literally distort the way we see the world.
Framing Effect- ...people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed...
Prospect Theory- ...why we take unwarranted risks in the face of uncertain losses.
Loss Aversion- ...people are statistically more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve an equal gain.
The FBI Gets Emotional
It all starts with a universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted.
...when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.
...they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place where they can be good ....problem solvers.
Tactical Empathy
...listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do.
Life is Negotiation
Negotiation serves two distinct, vital life functions- information gathering and behavior influencing....
Conflict between two parties is inevitable in all relationships. It is key to ....know how to engage (communicate) in that conflict to get what you want without inflicting damage (in a positive, affirming manner).
To master negotiation, one has to ...get over your aversion to negotiating.
...playing the emotional game that human society is set up for. In this world, you get what you ask for; you just have to ask correctly. So claim your perogative to ask for what you think is right.
A successful negotiator has to get everything he asks for, without giving anything back of substance, and do so in a way that leaves the adversaries feeling as if they have a great relationship. His work is emotional intelligence on steroids.
Thinking, fast and slow by Kahneman (2011)
Image Credit: Magrudy.com
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